LAST MINUTE VALENTINES
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Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not.
Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time
has a beginning or an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of the bed, and
Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm. There is only one serious question.
And that question is:Â Who knows how to make love stay?
~Tom Robbins (1936 – ) Still Life with Woodpecker (1980)
TAP INTO THE CREATIVE STREAK WITHIN
If you think the economy has to put a damper in your love life, think again. The notion that one needs big bucks to profess one’s affection is a sign that you’re out of ideas. You’re not out of ideas, you just haven’t thought of them yet. Everyone has a little bit of creativity lounging inside, even the dry and boring among us. This is the day for romantic frivolity and laughter, bringing two people closer together through a sincere, spontaneous gesture of affection. And it doesn’t have to be February 14th to do any of these sweet things that ask another: will you be my valentine?
IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
Perhaps the first thing is to take a few moments and think about the object of your affection. What do they mean to you? If you’ve just met someone, maybe the best thing is to offer a light-hearted nibble grounded in the fact that you really don’t know much about them. It may be appropriate to ignore the day altogether, especially if the person means little to you at this point. Remember that the day is about sincerity; creating a false sense of affection will expose your cluelessness. So keep the gesture reflective of what’s currently going on between the two of you. Sending two dozen red roses after a first date will turn off all but the most desperate. Desperation Day is later this year.
DO SOMETHING OUT OF CHARACTER
If your kitchen is gathering dust, cook something. Breakfast, brunch or dinner, a cake or even cookies. They will know that you don’t do this for just anybody.
If you like chick flicks, go for an action movie starring your honey’s favorite star, making the day all about what they like. Rent a DVD and make some popcorn, and not the microwave kind that stinks up the place with the lingering smell of artificial butter. Pop a bowl of whole popcorn with spicy oil or real melted butter and kosher salt. Easy with only a skillet with a lid. Everyone loves innovation in the kitchen.
If you have two left feet, sign up for dancing lessons. This says that you’re open to new experiences and are seeking to improve your status as their partner. In the eyes of those who like to dance, moving around the floor entwined in your significant other’s arms ranks very high on the list of romantic activities. You don’t have to go dancing today, or even start the lessons today. Simply deliver your intention to sign up. Cut an advert out of the Yellow Pages, wrap it up in a pretty box — or put in a nice picture frame — and present it with ceremony to signal your sincere willingness to learn to dance, and grow, closer together.
DO SOMETHING UNEXPECTED
You like to bowl, your mate doesn’t. Offer to teach them the finer points so that they can appreciate the sport like you do, forgoing the competitive nature of the game. Concentrate on giving the most supportive and encouraging tips and advice on form and strategy, and cheer them with enthusiasm when they’ve scored. Help them select the most comfortable clothing, lace up their rental shoes just right, and gush about how exciting it is to acquaint two of your favorite pastimes: bowling and spending time with them.
Or, if your mate likes to bowl but you fail to see its redeeming qualities, ask them to teach you the nuances so that you can fully appreciate the game. Ask questions and show genuine interest. Endeavor to understand their perspective and — if you both embrace the spirit of the date — I can almost guarantee positive results.
DO SOMETHING FUNNY
Laughter makes any situation more fun and memorable. That popcorn you made (see above)? Try tossing a kernel in the air and catching it in your mouth — or your valentine’s — in a playful prelude to the night’s movie.
Go outside and have a snowball fight. Build a snowman or snowcow. Go sledding before the remains of the blizzard have melted into spring.
Read a children’s book out loud, something from Dr Seuss or Shel Silverstein (free for the borrowing from the local public library).  Reading to someone is a sensual experience, something that adults don’t often do. For two people who truly enjoy each other — and are searching for new and unique things to experience — reading aloud is a simple, sweet act that will reveal much. Not so easy as you think. Try it.
COUNTER ROUTINE
Turn off all electronics for a day, tune in and turn on to each other.
Sit quietly in a museum, absorbing the art all around you, not having to intellectualize or debate what you see. Be.
Take a long walk together, enjoying the moment away from the hubbub that has become daily life. Notice things along the way that may have escaped your notice: a beautiful wrought iron gate, flowers blooming on the other side of a picture window, a particularly well-kept street, children laughing on a park swing, cloud formations above.
MAKE SOMETHING
Guaranteed to be an original, anything that you make has a charm like no other. Don’t know what to make? Think of your mother when you were nine years old. Did you make a valentine out of lace doilies and construction paper, or a necklace out of macaroni? Presentation with a spirit of, ‘I made this myself, just for you!’ will endear you to them like no store-bought object, and are not only given by those with limited financial resources. Making something by hand sends all kinds of messages that satisfy a deep instinct to be distinct in the eyes of another. Instead of parting with money, you’re giving your time and putting thoughtful effort into a memorable gesture of affection. These are the gifts that cannot be returned.
SURPRISE, BUT NOT WITH A PROPOSAL
On the one day of the year where romantic expectations are highest — everyone and their sweetie searching for that ultimate romantic gesture to give and be given — marriage proposals on Valentines Day may just be the ultimate cliché. Marriage is not a gesture so much as, umm, a lifetime commitment.  There must not be so much as a speck of pressure in so important an occasion. So if you are in the mood for marriage, give the BIG QUESTION an entire day of it’s own. Don’t make this day the romantic equivalent of buying a bunny on Easter: high on effect but low on commitment. You’re talking about lives here, so give it the importance it deserves.
